Limbo.

So I'm still wavering about the whole "to race or not to race in Racine" bit.

We spectated at the Bigfoot Triathlon over the weekend and it was bittersweet. I had that internal twinge where I really, really, really wanted to be racing and was jealous of all my friends and training mates who were out killing the course. But on the flip side, I was relieved that I wasn't out there, too. It was a very weird sensation.

But I think I have a plan that will allow me to take a bit of downtime and still be primed to race a 70.3 this season. I'm working on getting my ducks in a row, getting the hubby and coach aligned with it (note to self, talk to The Punisher) and doing a bit of soul searching to REALLY determine if it's the right move for me this season or if I should just pack up shop and spend the rest of my summer laying in the sun with a margarita and book in hand. The prospect of this new racing option makes me happy, assuming I garner the right support.

The past 2 weeks have been a bit laid back on the training front and I can't lie...it's felt good. Really good. It's nice to not be ravenously hungry all the time and feel exhausted at my desk in the afternoon. Yesterday I swam a mile in a chop that felt like I was swimming uphill through moleasses. At least it made for a quick return trip to short. Tonight will bring a quick run along the lakefront since the temps are topping out in the low 70's. I figure some more solo training days will really help me sort out all the demons in my head with this season.

I still have a half marathon in a month, so I'm working on shifting my focus to that temporarily and trust that all the pieces will fall together as they should.

Burnt out.

There's no other way to say it.

I...am absolutely...and completely burnt out right now.

This morning we rode the Racine 70.3 course and tacked an hour-long run on the end. By mile 18 I may as well been cycling backwards. It took every ounce of effort to fight back the tears and hold it together. Heat, headwind and hills (I don't remember this bloody course having any climbing...what the eff is up with that?) ate me alive and I had a pity party, table for one.

When I rolled up to the aid station at mile 21, I proclaimed I was done. I had mentally checked out. I had resolved to either riding the 21 miles back, or sitting with the Chief of Pain in the middle of a corn field and crying until he drove me back to start. Gina, Sandy and crew would have none of that (thanks, by the way). So I sucked it up...fought off some demons, and did everything I could to keep turning the pedals. It wasn't pretty. And my glasses got a little fogged up from some tears. But some how I made it through.

Before the run the Punisher could tell I was in a sour spot. I really just wanted to be left alone to run it off on my own...me and the sound of my own foot falls. And it ended up being the most heinous transition run I've done in a really long time. I'm talking a 12 minute + pace. It was upwards of 90 degrees, minimal shade and paired with my bad mental attitude it all led to inevitable disaster.

The two highlights of the day? An insanely delicious burger of awesomeness from local Wisconsin treefort joint Georgie Porgie's and substituting an ice bath with a soak in the icy clear waters of Lake Michigan.

When I step back and look at it, I've spent the better part of the last 16 months training for long-course in some facet. Don't get me wrong. I love training. I usually enjoy long days (what? go spend 5 hours on a bike and throw a 10k off the back end?! Sounds like a good breakfast to me). But for some reason, I am in a massive funk right now.

It's not like the volume of work is breaking me. This 70.3 plan pales in comparison to what I did last year. I'm just mentally...not feeling it...for lack of better words.

I shouldn't have mixed feelings about this. But I do. I honestly don't know if I want to race long-course tri this season. And it's frustrating for me to have such uncertainty.

I want to be jazzed about this race. I want to go out, have a great day, post a great time, and see the rewards of my training the past few months (and the likelihood of me having a great day once I commit is high). But if my head isn't in it...should I really dish out a few hundred in a race entry? I have a hard time justifying it all right now. It's all so very fuzzy. And all I can really attribute it to is being severely burnt out...

...burnt out with less than a month to go for the planned race day.

Who knows. Maybe I'll wake up in a few days, win the lottery and be singing a different tune.

But right now in this moment, all I want to do is go for a long run and try to sort out all this nonsense.

Sigh.

Stay tuned to see what happens...

Because sometimes this are just took ridiculous not to share...Chicago Naked Bike Ride

The Annual Chicago Naked Bike Ride.

A peaceful, albeit nekkid, protest against the use of crude oil and BP...all while celebrating the beauty of the human body.

But in reality...I'm not convinced that most of these folks should've been parading around with the jiggly bits in the air, but whatever. More power to 'em.

Canned Heat in my Heels...

I'm going to keep this short and sweet...

For the first time ever, I ran a sub-8:20 mile last night. By some miracle, I pulled a 7:47 virtually out of no where, with a negative split, no less. And all my 400's ended up being descending...starting at 1:57 with the fastest at 1:47. Perhaps later this year I'll try and go for a new 5k PR running sub-8's? We'll see.

Absolute madness, I tell you. Let's just hope this was no accident.

But I'm still in shock. And glowing as a result.

I am just so glad I am no longer one of those people who can only run at one speed and know how to effectively do track workouts.