Legacy.

And I was thinking 'bout how
Everyone is dying…
…and maybe it is time to live?
- Eels, P.S. You Rock My World


Today I attended a beautiful memorial service for my co-worker’s father. While I never met the man, it became extremely evident where all of my teammate’s quirks and idiosyncrasies came from. He was a man who clearly impacted a countless number of friends, colleagues, family and even strangers. And this morning we gathered together in support and to celebrate his life.

Attending such services as I did today always seem to...I dunno...put me in a weird funk (for lack of a better word). Most of my day has been spent in a relatively quiet place, introverted, lost in thought, trying to focus on work and welcoming distractions via text which pretty much kept me sane.

Fortunately for me, I honestly haven’t had many people close to me pass away. I can vividly remember my grandfather’s funeral and service, and most recently a friend’s fantastically crazy grandma passed away, and another friend’s grandfather...then in one case back in high school, my friend’s little brother...and then my senior year of college, a dear friendboy’s grandma as well (which for some reason is exceptionally difficult for me to think of because of the intensity of the whole situation). There are a few others in the mix, but I wasn’t able to attend their services for one reason or another—but honestly, most of my experiences have been in the role of the supportive friend. I can only recall three or four older family members who’ve passed away in my lifetime.

Yes, it’s crazy, and borderline morbid...but every time I attend one of these events, I can’t help but think about what my memorial service will be like when I pass away and thoughts of death begin to consume me.

Who will attend?
Will it be celebratory? mournful? somber?
Will people think fondly?
Who will speak?
Will my personality be accurately reflected or will it end up being a standard run of the mill service?
How will I be remembered?
What will be my legacy?

It’s all very interesting to me. It’s something we don’t know...and won’t know until that moment. And even then, you’re not physically present to see it all throw down. The thought of life and death is just really messing with my head right now for some reason.

There’s a song by one of my favorite artists with the line "Your value only goes as far as everyone and their opinions." And while we’re taught to try to not care what other people think about us, and dish out the "eff that" attitude...I believe there is a little bit of truth to that statement (not total truth, but some). Other people’s opinions all contribute to your legacy. Their opinions and the stories they share ultimately mold how you're remembered. And let’s face it, we all want to be remembered as a nice, genuine person. Unless, of course, you’re Scrooge McDuck.

I can't help but wonder, if I were to die tomorrow crossing the street, what would my legacy be? I hope to have left a positive imprint on at least one or two people out there in this world beyond the people who are obligated to think I’m the cat’s pajamas. It doesn’t matter in what fashion it’s imprinted...it doesn’t have to be in the pursuit of sport, in fact I hope it wouldn’t be—that part I could care less about. But lingering in the back of my mind is that little thought of there being mixed opinions of me out in the world. And I’m not so much a fan of that. (Though I do have to admit, I did receive the most amazing and sincere compliment a few weeks ago that I now carry with me to refer to whenever I'm being too hard on myself--which tends to be pretty frequently, so it really means a lot to me.)

The last thing I want during my funeral would be for someone to sit back and think about what a wench I was or some mean and awful nasty things said out of spite that I’d never apologized for. That’s not much of a legacy. But if someone in their skewed perspective of the world believes you to be a terrible individual, when in fact your actions genuinely don’t back it up...well that’s where their opinion truly doesn’t impact your legacy (hence, where the aforementioned lyric doesn't exactly apply).

I do know that my legacy certainly won’t be defined in the number of miles I’ve run in a lifetime or even how many Ironmans I can complete before I’m old and gray and incapable. I won’t care if people know the number of race medals I’ve taken home or my PR times (although if you do know any of this, that’s ground for a lifetime of me haunting you...so don’t be ridiculous). So often in the realm of solo sports like running and triathlon, we get wrapped up into things that really don’t matter in the grand scheme of life (i.e. number of races, personal bests, and so on). Things that won’t impact us. Or even others. Or our legacy. It’s when we’re able to reach beyond ourselves—in sport or otherwise—and truly make a genuine impact on another that our passions become more than a drive or lifestyle, that help define who we really are.

And that's what deep down I really want my legacy to be. A positive force on someone's life. The little voice in the back of someone's head reminding them that they can do it...that hard work and perseverance pay off...and that they are capable of achieving anything they put their mind to. Whether or not that's what it will end up being remains to be determined.

But the best part is...it’s never too late to change your legacy. You don’t like where things are headed? It’s your lucky day...because you’re alive and each breath is the opportunity for you to change it. Your behavior and your actions and your reactions are all within your control. So what are you waiting for? Go out and do something that makes you happy and leave your mark on the world. What is it that you want your legacy to be?