Ironman Arizona Part 5: Starlight

Run Time: 6:22:57

Final Ironman Time: 15:54:51

The aftermath...

I crossed the line and proceeded to collapse into the arms of Mike and my friend Robyn. My body wanted nothing more of holding its own weight.

Mike draped the medal around my neck and the

pair had me moving through the finisher's area. I don't remember much here...I know Melissa was there (and subsequently took this awesome photo--I'm pretty sure I thought I was going to get sick right here). I think Mike grabbed my finishers gear and someone commented that I wasn't looking so good. I mustered the last bit of strength that I had for my finisher photo.

Molly had stayed to watch me finish and we exchanged a quick, smelly hug from over the railing. I wish I could've talked to her more, but frankly...I needed to sit down before my legs caved out from underneath me.

I folded into a chair in the back of the finishers chute with a massive permagrin on my face despite feeling like complete crap. A medic brought me soda, water and grapes...none of which were going to sit. It all burned on the way down.

I hung out for probably 10-15 minutes and started shaking. My hands and feet turned to pins and needles. I was cold...adrenaline was flowing freely, and I felt like I was going to toss cookies. I started to freak out because I didn't understand what was happening to my body. Robyn found a different medic to evaluate me. The next thing I knew, I was in medical, draped in blankets and foil, laying on a cot next to a guy who appeared to be passed out.

After determining abnormally low blood pressure (and I traditionally have high blood pressure) and a weak pulse, an nurse knelt next to me and softly said two words that I feared most: Emergency Room.

There was absolutely no way in hell I was going to let them give me a first class ride to a hospital because I was dehydrated and felt vomitous. I'd try to walk it off before I'd go dishing out a couple hundred dollars in medical bills. After some fearful tears, they finally decided to give me an IV...

It took three stabs to find a vein (have we discussed how big of a baby I am when it comes to needles? Because I am. And the theatrics were not pretty. Neither was the colorful commentary that ensued.). The nurse was unable to draw blood from either arm, and finally an EMT (who, for the record, was quite stunning) finally had success with the needle on my right hand. Saline and anti-nausea quickly flowed into my body and in time, my body finally lay calm. The shaking subsided. The nausea slipped away. I started to feel whole again. And with a little help from Mike and a volunteer, I found my way back on my feet.

Emerging from the medical tent into the crisp night air, I hugged Lauren and saw that the beauty of the finish line was being taken down. I thought of the athletes out there still running in the black of night who didn't make the cutoff. They'd never have the chance to experience that incredible finish line in all its glory. And it was a little bit heartbreaking.

And out of one of the trucks, Muse was blaring. A song that I had never really paid much attention to until the last handful of weeks. A song that has easily become one of my favorites--Starlight.

My life

You electrify my life

Let's conspire to re-ignite

All the souls that would die

just to feel alive...

Starlight - Muse

I found it all to be very symbolic of the thoughts that consumed my mind most of the day, and reminded me of just how alive I felt out there. And it's not all that often that we, as individuals, go out and do something that truly makes us feel alive. Something that makes us ridiculously happy. We hold ourselves back--fear holds us back. For whatever reason, we sell ourselves short and stay content and comfortable. These two things, while nice, are completely different than happiness. To accomplish great things and happiness, you have to allow yourself the opportunity to push yourself out of your comfort zone in a variety of aspects in your life. Life is far too short to not do something amazing for yourself. It doesn't matter how old or how young you are...it's up to you to go out, find your unrelenting passion, and simply be fearless.

This Ironman was a renaissance of sorts. A rebirth. A chance to go through hell and come out the other side feeling anew. I won't ever be the same as a result. And I know that the race didn't change me...140.6 miles will always be 140.6 miles. But it was the internal dialog and sense of self gained throughout the course of 15 hours, 54 minutes and 51 seconds that made the experience so epic.

I have taken so much from the training and race experience...

When you want something, you have to release inhibitions, follow your instinct and go for it. There is absolutely no reason to be afraid of something you want. Don't make excuses. Everyone deserves to be happy. Go for it and trust yourself.

For me, my biggest weakness isn't any specific discipline. It's my mind. And just as we train our bodies to cover 140.6 miles, we have to train our heads to ensure that we have the confidence to go the distance. It's the mindset, not miles, that separate those who do from those who dream.

Sometimes, to get to where you want to be, you may have to be a little selfish. And that's okay. Just make sure you've surrounded yourself with people who support you and your goal and want to see you succeed.

Find something you truly love, and enjoy, and are passionate about. It doesn't matter if it's running or triathlon, your family, a friendship, coin collecting, music snobbery or underwater basket weaving. If you're passionate about it, you will inevitably find some level of happiness in the pursuit. And you'll add more value to your life and yourself as a result.

I sincerely hope that every last one of my friends, family and blog readers understands that nothing is impossible. Anyone can go out and accomplish their goal...be it getting off the couch to run their first 5k...or attempting something as crazy as an Ironman. It is not impossible. All it takes is the discipline and patience to put in the time and hard work. The preparation is the challenge. The day itself is your reward. And should be savored as such, with your accomplishment celebrated in the grandest of fanfares.

I am so thankful to have had the experience that I've had the past year. And I thank everyone who has been a part of the ride, especially Mike--without you none of this would've been possible.

Each and every person I've encountered on this journey has put the Iron in me...and now its up to you to go out find discover where you draw the line between possible and impossible...and hopefully it involves one massive eraser to remove the lines all together.

Love everything in your presence without lines.

Find happiness without lines.

Dare to live without lines.

And remember...

You got this.