Growth.

This morning I woke up to a fabulous surprise to commemorate the kickoff of Iron Week.

Mike made me a book spanning my feats of athleticism over the past 4 years...a look at the races I've done and fun I've had. It's ridiculous to take a step back and really see how much I've grown not just over the last season, but the past four years. From biting off more than I could chew with that first marathon, to marathon meltdowns, canceled races, surprising PR's and now the attempt at something truly amazing.

If you asked the Barb of 2005 "what do you think you'll be doing in 4 years?" ...never in my wildest dreams would I have said anything remotely close to doing an Ironman. Afterall, that race is relegated for crazies and people who are made of stern stuff. And let's be honest, you really have to enjoy pushing yourself and taking a beating from the hurt stick. And at the time, that really wasn't me.

But I've grown in so many ways since 2005. The girl who hadn't run since high school can now run for miles upon miles...and can run fast (for my standards)...and I'm at a point where I don't mind being on my bike for upwards of 6...7...8 hours...and I know I can get through any distance of swimming with a bit of patience, relaxation and focus in the water. I'm convinced that anyone can do something of this caliber if they simply have the patience and discipline to put in the time and wade through the training. Seriously. If I can get my ducks in a row to attempt 140.6 miles, there's absolutely no reason why you can't.

Ironman is an elephant. And how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. And to get through the damn thing you better be hungry. I've tried to make this my mentality with training...and even racing on some levels. I can't be thinking about the bike when I'm treading water waiting for the gun to blare. Live in that moment...and make it work for you.

Honestly, the reality of it being race week hasn't really hit me just yet. I'm leaving in 3 days. Everything feels so surreal. Yesterday I woke up with a slight hint of panic as I thought to myself...this time next week, assuming I don't get pummeled in the swim, I should be on the bike right now.

Thoughts such as this have been floating around my mind for days.

Last night I couldn't sleep. I rolled over and saw 1am hit. I took a sigh of relief thinking to myself that this moment in one week...it will all be over. And it was a bittersweet feeling. Happiness and relief that it'll be done, and if all goes according to plan, I will have crossed the finish line. But sadness at the same time. This season I've actually learned to enjoy myself with training. I've done the vast majority of it alone. And I've really treasured that time by myself. While I'm looking forward to getting my life back, I'm a little bummed that I won't really be out along the lake swimming, biking and running to such an extent pushing myself in crazy ways.

The truth is...I don't like it when things end. In fact, I hate it. For years I was the girl who would read through a book and leave the last chapter unfinished because I didn't want things to come full circle with the characters. I could write their own fates in my mind. I'd rather avoid good-byes than dealing with the reality of parting ways with a friend face to face. Openendedness is good. It leaves so much room for possibility...for new chapters and stories to come.

But this novel, this race, is not going to remain unfinished.

I know there's nothing more I can do at this point to get me to the finish line. So I'm trying to focus my energies on the details. Sure, I'll have a few small workouts this week...mostly swims, a run or two to keep my legs loose, and then a ride out in Arizona...but that's about it. But it's really time just just get everything in order.

I've made lists. And lists of lists. But nothing has been packed yet.

I've thought about things I still need to buy. And do. And people to visit. And conversations to have with the Chief. And Tracy. And my favorite Southern piece of sass, Amy. And come up with that last will and testament...you know, just in case.

Busy, is good. Even if it's just mentally so. Like I said I've been taking any distractions I can get. Distractions are good. They're even better than business.

And let's not discuss the fact that I may or may not be beaming at the fact that Big Sexy posted on my last blog. Thanks, Chris...you really made my day. A more than welcomed distraction.

But amid the distractions, there's still stuff to be done. Last week, I dropped Little Red Riding Hood off with TriBike transport...I'm crossing all my crossables that she shows up in Tempe unscathed and in one piece. Saturday brought a wonderful 10 miler in some unseasonabley warm November weather. Pace booty was plentiful. And the run was actually fun. There was some pushing of the pace for miles 8 and 9 (with mile nine pretty much making me want to toss cookies). Sunday was a gathering of Chicagoans headed to IMAZ with talks of the course, special needs and all sorts of questions answered. Good stuff.

I'm headed to the pool this evening...and let's say it's been a little while since I've gone for a dip. The last few weeks I've been so focused on the other parts (running, biking, nutrition, recovery, rest, etc.) that I've definitely been neglecting the swim. I'm honestly not worried about it, but I've come to terms with the fact it won't be as strong as it could be...

So in the meantime, I'm trying to keep calm and carry on. Stay focused and have the right thoughts in my head. And of course...get packed and eat this elephant one bite at a time.

...because homegirl is starving.