bittersweet.
I spent the better part of yesterday glued to the computer screen, watching strangers friends, valiantly cross the finish line in Coeur d'Alene. I cheered for folks I didn't know, some I did know, and some I only know through the virtual world...willing them break the tape in a day that will, without doubt, never escape their mind.
I may or may not have shed a tear or two...but that was likely induced by the crazy hormonal battle that defines me as a lady goin' on in these parts.
It was certainly a bittersweet evening.
You see, today is the day that I'm supposed to be fighting for a slot for CDA09. I just had the obnoxious little meeting maker in Outlook pop up to remind me to do so, in fact.
But the truth in the matter is...I'm not ready. And in a year, I probably still won't be ready. I'm having a hard time determining if I'm just making excuses for this right now though. When I do CDA, I want to do well (by my definition)...not just finish. But finish in a great frame of mind and with as little pain as humanly possible (is that even possible??). Mentally, I'm there...but physically, not so much. Admitting that is a little heartbreaking, truth be told. Sure...I'd have a year to learn to love being on my bike for 100+ miles and to improve my swim times a bit more and focus on riding more hills. And that marathon thing I know I've got covered.
There's just too much potential stuff going down in the next year. I have to head back to Kansas 70.3 to take care of some unfinished business. I need to finish what I started there...and I've got a bone to pick with that course (and mother nature). And then there's the possibility of a big move in the mix (I look forward to the day we aren't sharing walls with anyone!!) that could bring about some new scenery. And, of course, the prospect of a kid in a year or two (or twenty...don't go getting your hopes up, mom! Seriously...don't.).
So I've got my sights set for CDA 2011 or 2012 (which is as far out as their contract currently extends). Mentally, I need to have some type of date in mind. A goal to work toward since 2009 is out for CDA...
That's not to say there won't be another race of that distance between now and then...there just won't be one of that caliber and fanfare...unless we get all caught up in the crazy of Louisville and Mike tells me to register on-site (stranger things have happened, so who knows)...
But I know that anything can happen between now and 2011/2012...but...tentatively...that's my plan. And I'm stickin' to it.
One day, I'll be standing on the beach of Lake Coeur d'Alene...finally making the dream a reality.
:sigh:
I'm just really sad that the day won't be happening in a year's time...but I don't really expect anyone to understand that...
It is what it is...right?
I may or may not have shed a tear or two...but that was likely induced by the crazy hormonal battle that defines me as a lady goin' on in these parts.
It was certainly a bittersweet evening.
You see, today is the day that I'm supposed to be fighting for a slot for CDA09. I just had the obnoxious little meeting maker in Outlook pop up to remind me to do so, in fact.
But the truth in the matter is...I'm not ready. And in a year, I probably still won't be ready. I'm having a hard time determining if I'm just making excuses for this right now though. When I do CDA, I want to do well (by my definition)...not just finish. But finish in a great frame of mind and with as little pain as humanly possible (is that even possible??). Mentally, I'm there...but physically, not so much. Admitting that is a little heartbreaking, truth be told. Sure...I'd have a year to learn to love being on my bike for 100+ miles and to improve my swim times a bit more and focus on riding more hills. And that marathon thing I know I've got covered.
There's just too much potential stuff going down in the next year. I have to head back to Kansas 70.3 to take care of some unfinished business. I need to finish what I started there...and I've got a bone to pick with that course (and mother nature). And then there's the possibility of a big move in the mix (I look forward to the day we aren't sharing walls with anyone!!) that could bring about some new scenery. And, of course, the prospect of a kid in a year or two (or twenty...don't go getting your hopes up, mom! Seriously...don't.).
So I've got my sights set for CDA 2011 or 2012 (which is as far out as their contract currently extends). Mentally, I need to have some type of date in mind. A goal to work toward since 2009 is out for CDA...
That's not to say there won't be another race of that distance between now and then...there just won't be one of that caliber and fanfare...unless we get all caught up in the crazy of Louisville and Mike tells me to register on-site (stranger things have happened, so who knows)...
But I know that anything can happen between now and 2011/2012...but...tentatively...that's my plan. And I'm stickin' to it.
One day, I'll be standing on the beach of Lake Coeur d'Alene...finally making the dream a reality.
:sigh:
I'm just really sad that the day won't be happening in a year's time...but I don't really expect anyone to understand that...
It is what it is...right?
Labels: Coeur D'Alene
posted by Iron Jayhawk at 9:08 AM
9 Camper Comments:
i'm on the IM 2010 plan :) it's okay to have other things going on honey!! you are well-rounded as a person!!!
I am right there with you. I was logged in, information loaded, all I needed to do was hit submit. But the timing just isn't right.
Someday. The timing will be perfect. Hang in there Jayhawk.
Hey, don't beat yourself up. What's the rush? Do it when you're ready and try to be flexible. That's a good thing. You're going to do great, whether that happens in 2009, 2010, or 2051.
You got this.
Am I the only one that noticed that you have something due 10 weeks ago!? LOL
I wish you lived closer to me - I need a workout buddy. :)
Well, yes, "sad" is understandable. So sorry. I was thinking of you.. but didn't know to send the good wishes home instead of to Idaho.
If there's one thing I know, it is this:
When Jayhawk decides she's ready to do this thing, she's ready.
You are STILL my tri hero. :)
You have absolutely nothing to regret. You've obviously been training hard and continuing to improve. When the time comes you'll do great in all those races.
Enjoy yourself!
I'm sure if it's ever meant for you to do an IM then it'll happen, all in good time. And you'll be excited to hit the submit and not scared!
Racine will be GREAT! Make sure you eat lots of Kringles there. YUM!
just catching up. wow. just wow.
head up jayhawk...
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