All By Myself...
So I'm totally not a fan of Celine Dion, but the past two days I'm feeling part compelled to sulk and be depressed and part compelled to burst into a verse of Celine Dion's sickening classic "All By Myself."
You see, Saturday morning before our 8 mile run (which at the time I felt was reasonably lousy, but looking back was actually right on pace with my performance in the St. Louis half mary...go figure) Mike and I realized that the weekend I'm supposed to be getting a second chance at the ever-elusive 70.3 distance is the same weekend he's out of town for a previous commitment that he can't exactly get out of. Somehow in the midst of all the crazy, we both completely and totally forgot.
Now I'm certainly not mad or angry about this. I'm quite understanding actually and fully support his absence at the race...it just kind of makes it exceptionally scary for me. My rock is not going to be there on the day that I'm questionably going to need/want him there the most. The prospect of my folks making the trip up isn't looking good either. And I'm just trying to accept the reality of the situation.
I've never gone to anything but an 8k by myself. I mean, who really needs a support crew at an 8k? But something as complex as a half ironman...the crew certainly helps. Not just for the gear and logistical aspects. But for the mental/emotional (because we all know I get emotional) preparation...the person to help you take a deep breath and reaffirm that you can, indeed, do this massively intimidating distance on this day. And that no matter what the outcome may be, they'll be there to pick up the pieces in the end. It's weird because I almost feel like it's necessary on some level...
What if something happens and I get injured? How am I supposed to get home? Or what if I don't make any of the cut offs and I crumble into a mush ball of a trillion pieces? Or what is this effing race gets canceled too? Then who's going to pick me up and tell me it's okay?
I know, I know...I'm a big girl and all. It's just strange. The distance that I was pretty much defining as my "pinnacle distance to date" will not be witnessed by anyone. No one but me, myself, and I...and whatever few volunteers are left standing at the finish line awaiting the arrival of the last back of packers (assuming I make it to the end). No husband, parents or friends. Just unfamiliar faces to share in my glory.
And I'm okay with that. ...i think.
It's like going and running a marathon without knowing a soul at the starting line and not knowing just what the day has in store for you...it's a big, scary pill to swallow.
So, to all my fellow solo racers out there. How do you get through the day, when you are completely and totally on your own and nothing but fear inside you? Because right now, I'm not even sure I want to go through with it given the circumstances (we all know I will at least attempt the distance...but it doesn't mean that I exactly want to...yaknowwhatimean?)...
You see, Saturday morning before our 8 mile run (which at the time I felt was reasonably lousy, but looking back was actually right on pace with my performance in the St. Louis half mary...go figure) Mike and I realized that the weekend I'm supposed to be getting a second chance at the ever-elusive 70.3 distance is the same weekend he's out of town for a previous commitment that he can't exactly get out of. Somehow in the midst of all the crazy, we both completely and totally forgot.
Now I'm certainly not mad or angry about this. I'm quite understanding actually and fully support his absence at the race...it just kind of makes it exceptionally scary for me. My rock is not going to be there on the day that I'm questionably going to need/want him there the most. The prospect of my folks making the trip up isn't looking good either. And I'm just trying to accept the reality of the situation.
I've never gone to anything but an 8k by myself. I mean, who really needs a support crew at an 8k? But something as complex as a half ironman...the crew certainly helps. Not just for the gear and logistical aspects. But for the mental/emotional (because we all know I get emotional) preparation...the person to help you take a deep breath and reaffirm that you can, indeed, do this massively intimidating distance on this day. And that no matter what the outcome may be, they'll be there to pick up the pieces in the end. It's weird because I almost feel like it's necessary on some level...
What if something happens and I get injured? How am I supposed to get home? Or what if I don't make any of the cut offs and I crumble into a mush ball of a trillion pieces? Or what is this effing race gets canceled too? Then who's going to pick me up and tell me it's okay?
I know, I know...I'm a big girl and all. It's just strange. The distance that I was pretty much defining as my "pinnacle distance to date" will not be witnessed by anyone. No one but me, myself, and I...and whatever few volunteers are left standing at the finish line awaiting the arrival of the last back of packers (assuming I make it to the end). No husband, parents or friends. Just unfamiliar faces to share in my glory.
And I'm okay with that. ...i think.
It's like going and running a marathon without knowing a soul at the starting line and not knowing just what the day has in store for you...it's a big, scary pill to swallow.
So, to all my fellow solo racers out there. How do you get through the day, when you are completely and totally on your own and nothing but fear inside you? Because right now, I'm not even sure I want to go through with it given the circumstances (we all know I will at least attempt the distance...but it doesn't mean that I exactly want to...yaknowwhatimean?)...
Labels: Spirit of Racine HIM
posted by Iron Jayhawk at 7:39 AM
16 Camper Comments:
I've almost always been a solo runner when it comes time to tow the line. I train with one or two other people, but I race alone.
Usually, I think of all the people who are cheering me on from their locations. It does the trick every time.
You'll be fine. Trust me. Hell, if this were closer, I'd be there to cheer you on to the finish. :)
Girl you'll be just fine! In my short triathlon life, I've done many a races solo. It's really not as bad as you think. Take the opposite side of it...if you're feeling bad, or even if you're feeling great, you don't have anyone waiting on you to finish. There's no one at the finish line checking their watch every 20 seconds wondering where you are. This will give you the opportunity to figure yourself out and who you are as a triathlete. Look at it as a learning and growing experience. You CAN do it and you WILL. And you can always call me before, during, or after :)
me myself and i. sometimes it is a good thing to do it by youself for youself! scary, but good.
I am right there with you chica. I don't know if I would like the idea of doing 70.3 with no emotional/mental confidant there cheering me on. Heck, my first 5k I did on my own, I was not looking forward to that... but I ended up PR'ing that race... so, who know's! If it makes you feel any better, I will be right there with you all the way... mentally! :)
Good luck going on your own. I haven't had to do many by myself, and they're never quite as fun...
What Steve said, but I will add, you will be fine. In the end it's personal. You can draw quite a bit of strength from being alone and on your own. In the end in these events you have no one but yourself. Cheers do not get you to the finish line, you do.
I always find someone in the pack to latch on to. It is different but you can do it. I agree it's not the same if your peeps aren't there.
Can't the tall kids go with you? I would go with you if I was there. Best of luck - we'll all be there in spirit!
I think that if things go wrong, you'll be strong because you have to be. You won't have anyone else to fall back on, so you'll just muddle through somehow. And you'll probably be a lot stronger for it in the long run.
Maybe it's like the people who just decide to do some small, local race, and they don't really know how to do it or what to expect . . . they haven't really trained or researched. But somehow they get through it. And they're stronger (and usually addicted) after that first race.
But there's nothing to replace racing with your team or your family . . . you can get used to it, for sure, but it's still so much more fun to be with your crew.
You will do just fine, I am a champ of solo racing and naturally independent.
I've only run 1 race with someone..everything else has been solo. Just relax and enjoy the distance. Sometimes it's easier without someone there. No expectations. No one to meet you. You'll do awesome Barb.
You will be just fine. Don't get in your own way out there, make friends with the crowd and those around you.
My fastest 5K ever happened during the one race when I went alone. I know it doesn't compare to a HIM.
On the bright side, I'll be at Racine if you want to meet another blogger:)
Just as everyone else has said...you will be great! I have started races with people but almost always end up going out on my own after the start. I usually PR when I'm on my own too! You can do it!
I almost do all of my races alone. I actually prefer it that way sometimes. I enjoy going out with my own thoughts in my head. No one is there to see if you fall or puke or what. It's going to be ok!
I'm a new blogger and just read your blog for the 1st time. I'm also doing SORT--it will be my 4th half, 55th tri. I'm in the W50-54 age group. My family (husband and two kids) will be with me! I would love to meet you and have you be a part of our "group". Let me know if you're interested. I live in the Chicago suburbs.
it sounds like you are going strong, just run your own race. you'll do fine.
I'd get emotional too if i listened to Celine Dion's version of the Eric Carmen song.
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