An Open Letter to #1638

Dear #1638,
As I sit here and write you this open letter for all the world to see, I wonder how you sleep at night.

You see, at the Palm Springs Half Marathon, my mom and I targeted you in the very beginning. You were our rabbit. The one to keep up with and eventually beat to the finish line. During the entire first leg of the race, you were within 65 yards of our grasp. We paced ourselves off of you and fed off of your energy.

And when the proverbial relay baton was passed from my mum to my speedy sister, it was on. Speedy Sis and I set off on a mission. I told her that you were our rabbit and with a sparkle of determination in her eye, and the competitive spirit seaping through her pours, we took off in a strong run (actually...something around a 9:00 pace, which for us was wicked awesome).

And within the first half mile we passed you.

I have proof. See?


We passed you and you were history. You never once sped up. We never saw you again. And you never passed us. From the time I last saw you, our average speed was about 2 minutes per mile faster. You were holding steady at a 15:00 pace.

And yet somehow...some way...you managed to finish the distance a whole 20 minutes before the fabulous Berry women. I am so impressed with your keen ability to jolt your steady speed, #1638. Or perhaps you hitched a ride on the back of the ever-elusive and speedy Road Runners that grace the desert terrain? Or maybe you took off at a world record pace and zipped right by us going unnoticed?

But no, #1638. You did none of these. Somewhere along the course, you decided that you weren't tough enough to face the distance you set out to do...and you cheated. You cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater!! And I just wanted the world (or at least my little group of readers) to know that.

Mind you, I don't care that you finished in front of us. I really don't. What really steams my teapot is how time after time, people cheat themselves on the distance and allow themselves to feel accomplished. It's a bunch of bull crap. Gotta love that false sense of victory.

So yes. I hope you feel proud of yourself and accomplished in the fact that you're promoting mediocrity to all of man kind. Way to go, #1638!!! Way to pave a strong example to the generations you leave in your trails! Encouraging cheap short cuts and setting the precedent that taking the easy way out is more than acceptable, makes you a winner in my book!! (yes, this was the gratuitious sarcasm section)

I hope you know that racing karma is going to come back and bite you in your lil' cheating ass. It could be in the form of shin splints or plantar fascitis...but whatever it is, remember that you've gone and done it to yourself.

Sleep tight, #1638. And may you actually finish what you start--with integrity--sometime in the future.