safety shirt...

tonight when i got home from work i tried to escape the fact that i was another year older (and undoubtedly none the wiser) with a relaxing shower, barb style. i turned the shower on, hot as i could stand it, and sat down letting the steam fill my lungs. i thought about today and the past 26 years (geez it feels weird to say that). it's almost necessary to think about the good, the bad and the ugly of your life once in a while. i watched flecks of dirt from my feet, along with tiny other tiny imperfections, swirl their way down the drain.


twenty minutes later i crawled out and slipped into my safety shirt. you know, that one shirt in your closet that you love quite possibly more than life itself. there may or may not be any sentimental value to it, but its how the shirt makes you feel is why you love it so. this one particular shirt makes me feel safe. it could be because it makes me smile at the thought matching two of my best friends wearing the same shirt one special night at lake sara. or because it evokes fondness of the person who gave it to me twelve years ago (rest in peace pvt goodspeed). or maybe because it resembles a younger me. regardless, this shirt has seen it all. i can't tell you how many times it has been saturated with snot and tears (seriously, this thing has absorbed gallons of that shit). or been the recipient of bear hugs and warm embraces. this shirt, is a part of me. and to me...this shirt is home. a best friend. an old soul. and i love it dearly. and so whenever i need a little lift, i usually slip into this shirt.

now-a-days it's faded after hundreds of washes. the print in the silver heart on the front is crackled beyond belief. and honestly? it kind of looks like it's on its last leg. but i'll never part with it. and truthfully, i couldn't think of a better way to tack on another year to my life than in this simple black tee with silver writing. i mean, isn't black perfect for mourning?

i didn't actually get to talk to my mom on my birthday, which totally sucks. But she left me a few voicemails which was nice and made me warm inside. except for the part where she said 30 minus 4 (thanks, mom). she obviously didn't get the memo that i was turning 24...again. and you know you're getting old when you have to use birthday money to pay bills rather than those trouser jeans that have been the object of your affection for months. but hey...i guess having heat far outweighs being cute, right? especially on the brink of another chicago winter.

is adding another year to my life all that bad? probably not. but i don't have to decide that today. in fact, it's best that i don't decide that right now based on one day at 26. i've got all year to figure that out.

but for now...it's me and my safety shirt. and that's good enough for me.