Something's gotta give.
.But...this is how Running Jayhawk feels...
I am so ridiculously frustrated right now. Work, as of this moment, is beyond stressful. I'm too young to be stressing out this much over such things. I feel myself wearing thin. Mentally. Emotionally. Visibly. And physically at times, too.
Something has to give. To date, my diet, my training and my sanity have all suffered. And it needs to stop. Especially since I've got a freaking triathlon in what...two weeks? oh shit...this should be interesting.
I'm trying to figure things out in the meantime. Trying my best to just inhale. exhale. and repeat. Trying not to let myself get so worked up over work. It is, afterall, just work. It'll still be there tomorrow. I've got a hell of a work ethic and have issues saying "no"...which, on some levels is a recipe for disaster.
I owe you guys a GMR race report. I know. I'm working on it. I promise. And I have been doing some running as well...but I haven't had a good run since GMR, which is further perpetuating the frustration. During Saturday's run, I started getting shooting pains in my lower right leg. I've been trying to ice my leg to help it feel better. It was one of those runs where I convinced myself that running a full marathon was a really dumb idea.
I'm not a cut throat runner. And I'm okay with that. But sometimes I wish I were. My husband had the discipline to go out tonight and run his 8 miles with 4 at LT pace. Me? After a long attempt at a stress-relieving cry, I am sitting on the couch. Annoyed with life. I don't have it in me to run right now. I'm not fueled or hydrated properly, and even if I were, I'm not sure I'd want to...
I've resurrected to the fact that I don't really care about getting that 4:59:59 at Chicago this October. I don't think I have the competitive drive--or dedication or discipline--to get myself to that point. Plain and simple...I want to run Chicago in a faster time than I did last year. Be it a 5:54 or a 4:59. I've come leaps and bounds in my running abilities compared to where I started just 2 years ago. And damnit...I'm proud of that.
I run because I find it fun. And when bad runs make it not so much fun, I really just don't want to do it anymore. Which is not the mentality needed to get me at the point of breaking the 5 hour barrier.
I know I just need to get my poop in a group and get my head back in the game...and I'll be fine. Really...I will...
In the meantime, I just need to figure out how to destress myself and find my center.
Hmmmm....yeah....I jut reread this rant, and there really is no point. Just wanted to let y'all know I'm still alive and kickin'....that's all, really...so....hmm....
you may now return to your regularly scheduled day.
Labels: stress
posted by Iron Jayhawk at 6:14 PM
17 Camper Comments:
Kind of liberating to put your more difficult feelings out there, even if it isn't the most fun post to read out of your many fun posts. Even the most seemingly impermeable people have down days, but maybe there's a nugget of wisdom to me mined, or maybe...well maybe this day will be forgotten tomorrow.
Chin up, birdie.
I'm sending you a big jayhawk hug. I have to admit that island time really does help the stress. In the meantime they are having yoga at the beach and at the park - if you want to go I'm planning on going. or if you need a drink and/or ice cream I'm willing to take you out anytime.
Shooting pains in your lower leg is a dangerous sign and I don't just say that to scare you. I've been there and run through them and ended up with stress fractures! Don't do it! The down time is terrible and it could easily put you out of running Chicago entirely. Take your rest and ease back into running. Don't fret about the schedule, do what is right for your body.
I am sorry work is so icky. I hope it gets better fast!!!!!!
head up chica. sometimes getting all the crap out on the blog can help make things better...
i'm so sorry girly. :-(
It has to be fun and not add to the stress of your day and when it does then it's so not worth it. Go for a run just to run and leave your Garmin at home maybe. run till you don't want to anymore and turn around and come home.
sometimes havign a run like that helps a lot.
but then again i might be the best to give advice since I was in tears running last night l... :-(
"get my poop in a group"! Ha! I love that.
Perhaps, it is time to look for a new job? If it makes you suffer that much, is it worthwhile?
I totally feel EXACTLY like this sometimes...there are days where I am so excited about running and then others (sometimes the very next day) where I wonder what the hell I'm doing out there! We will all make it! Thanks for your sharing and honesty!
I meant it when I extended that drink invitation. &nabp;Any time and place, Jayhawk.
Would tapas and sangria help?
In the meantime, I hope you get through your work crisis quickly and are relatively free of distractions for your tri and cruise.
Sending big hugs...
Life sometimes has this nasty habit of getting in the way of our running. You have been pushing yourself hard and deserve a break. Recharge your batteries, heal your leg – shooting pains not a good sign – and return to the road when it’s fun and feels right. Hang in there.
just found your blog and just wanted to say that bad days come and go, but the thing that is consistent is how you feel now compared to two years ago. i definately have my bad days when i convince myself i am not a runner and never will be, but then i remember what i felt like before i was running and how my confidence has sky rocketed since then. Then i just kind of push through the bad days and soon enough it's done. good luck with your running!
Hang in there... maybe it's time to take a short break and reassess your values. Sometimes a couple of days and some rest will help you rediscover why you enjoy running. Don't put pressure on yourself. Sounds like work has a lot to do with your frustration.
Sending you a huge cyberhug. It's perfectly fine to vent to us here in blogland. That's what we're here for.
Lord knows, I can relate with some of what you're feeling. I beat myself up almost daily with my lack of drive or discipline with running, yet I keep going. I'm not sure what gets me out the door sometimes, but it does.
Take a deep breath, a step back and let things come into focus. It will happen.
Hugs!! Maybe it's time to look around monster.com.....no job is worth massive quantities of stress and life is way too short to spend most of it at work!! I'm so glad I have left those days behind me. Hope you've had a relaxing weekend!
damn. sounds rough. keep trucking. you are right. it IS only work.
You doing ok?
Post a Comment
<< Home