The Nomad.
Tonight I roamed the city like a nomad. It was almost an out of body experience...I was in a funk and wanted to get out of the condo...so I tossed on some flip flops and walked out the door. I just got lost in my thoughts and walked with no specific destination, turning down different streets without rhyme or reason. When I first started paying attention, I was at the River...I had intentions of heading back home.
The next thing I knew, I was at Oak Street Beach (which is about 3/4 of a mile beyond the condo). I slipped off my flip flops and sunk my feet in the sand and water. It felt really good. I ended up sitting at the very end of the Oak Street Beach stretch, nearing North Avenue. I sat for a good...20...30 minutes just getting absorbed in random thoughts...how ginormous the city was an how insignificant I am in the sea of skyscrappers...how i just want this whole lump bull shit ordeal over with, i just want it gone...i wondered if my nana and grandpa would be proud of what I've done with my life...i thought about how I should've just gone running instead of taking a walk...how i wish i had some close girlfriends of my own up here...and on and on and on...i wasn't so much sad as i was just all consumed with a myriad of thoughts.
I got a few smiles from random strangers and an adorable run up from a toddler who just had to tell me "hi." And from the way her parents reacted they must have thought I was going to kidnap her.
After that, I picked myself up and headed home. It's funny how the city seems to swallow you whole.
All things considered, today was a rough day. Working the hydration station this morning was a wonderful experience. You can tell that just about everyone along the running path appreciates the fact we woke up before the sun to help support them. I'd highly recommend volunteering in this capacity to everyone. Who knows...maybe we could make it an RBF event? But this morning was certainly the highlight of my day.
Later in the afternoon I took a bath to relax and I decided to pick up the book Sole Sisters (a book suggested by Party Runner about gals who run...I highly recommend it). So I'm soaking and I get to a chapter about a young woman who had breast cancer...and they're describing what she went through and the celebratory 5k her family ran in honor of her recovery...and I'm sitting there in the bathtub crying. Near hysterics. Stupid effing book. I guess this is what spiraled me into an even deeper funk and sparked the late night roam around the city.
Blah.
But my goal is to wake up early in the morning to get a 3-miler in before work. Let's hope it actually happens :)
The next thing I knew, I was at Oak Street Beach (which is about 3/4 of a mile beyond the condo). I slipped off my flip flops and sunk my feet in the sand and water. It felt really good. I ended up sitting at the very end of the Oak Street Beach stretch, nearing North Avenue. I sat for a good...20...30 minutes just getting absorbed in random thoughts...how ginormous the city was an how insignificant I am in the sea of skyscrappers...how i just want this whole lump bull shit ordeal over with, i just want it gone...i wondered if my nana and grandpa would be proud of what I've done with my life...i thought about how I should've just gone running instead of taking a walk...how i wish i had some close girlfriends of my own up here...and on and on and on...i wasn't so much sad as i was just all consumed with a myriad of thoughts.
I got a few smiles from random strangers and an adorable run up from a toddler who just had to tell me "hi." And from the way her parents reacted they must have thought I was going to kidnap her.
After that, I picked myself up and headed home. It's funny how the city seems to swallow you whole.
All things considered, today was a rough day. Working the hydration station this morning was a wonderful experience. You can tell that just about everyone along the running path appreciates the fact we woke up before the sun to help support them. I'd highly recommend volunteering in this capacity to everyone. Who knows...maybe we could make it an RBF event? But this morning was certainly the highlight of my day.
Later in the afternoon I took a bath to relax and I decided to pick up the book Sole Sisters (a book suggested by Party Runner about gals who run...I highly recommend it). So I'm soaking and I get to a chapter about a young woman who had breast cancer...and they're describing what she went through and the celebratory 5k her family ran in honor of her recovery...and I'm sitting there in the bathtub crying. Near hysterics. Stupid effing book. I guess this is what spiraled me into an even deeper funk and sparked the late night roam around the city.
Blah.
But my goal is to wake up early in the morning to get a 3-miler in before work. Let's hope it actually happens :)
posted by Iron Jayhawk at 9:21 PM
5 Camper Comments:
Oh Sweetheart! You poor thing. I wish I could fast forward time for you and give you the answers you are needing. Just hang in there! And all of us are here for you. I know it's not the same as close girlfriends right around the corner, but we are here. We will listen and we care. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
I'm so sorry you have to go through this, but it sounds like you're handling the waiting as well as you can. Long-distance runners are some of the strongest people I've ever met, whether they're running or not. I'll be praying for you. :)
Deep Breaths Barb, I know everything will be fine. I hate how doctors just plod along, I have been there trust me I know the frustration. Hang in there.
Did you at least clear your head? Try to stay calm. There's no use working yourself into a "tizzy" when you don't know what the outcome is. Try to stay positive and know that you have plenty of support. :-)
BIG HUG TO YOU FROM ME!
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