Getting Angry.
Hey Campers....
Imagine this...crisp, cool weather. Clear skies. Great crowd. Everything was aligned for a great 8-mile run. My leg had been feeling better the days following the speed training, so I was optimistic about the distance ahead of me.
We started out running south instead of north. The breeze felt great. The new shorts were beyond comfy...and overall I felt good (aside from the old pair of Wigwam socks that kept sliding down my heel). So we're running at 5/2 pacing around a 12:00 pace. The first mile though, Lesley went out way fast...and by mile 2, my leg was shot...again. F#$*(&%$#. I pulled back from the group and walked a bit. I heard Margie yell to see if I was okay, I gave her a thumbs up and figured I'd just walk it off. The next mile was spent doing the hobble, run, walk, stretch routine...and then I saw Coach Jack.
...and I lost it.
I didn't cry because it hurt (even though it was killing me). I cried because I was frustrated and disappointed and outright pissed off. Coach Jack helped me stretch it out some more, told me to walk it back to home base and take it easy.
As I walked, fighting back the tears, I kept thinking about everything I wrote the day before. About wanting the 5:30. About pushing myself this time around...and pushing myself hard. Harder than before. About going to the limits (without injury, of course). All of these thoughts came flooding in and I got myself really angry. Angry at my leg...myself...life...and I took that anger and ran right through it.
I think the brim of my hat is the most unappreciated part of all my running garb. The brim was my saving grace yesterday. I tugged the brim of my hat, bit my lip, put down my head, and just pressed forward running. No one could see the tears streaming from my eyes and I kept giving myself a pep talking say...get over it, it's just pain and it won't kill you and you can do this.
Around a mile away from the meet up point I saw the front runners of the Pride Run. They were amazing. Swift like gazelles...I admired their long strides and grit as they just pushed themselves. This fueled my next mile. And before I knew it, I was back at the meet up point.
...I had covered six miles. And tempting as it was, I didn't stop. I walked right by the group (not to tick Coach Jack off), and once I was out of sight I picked up the pace again. I saw Mike...he was finishing right as I was headed out for my final 2 miles. That was the moment where I realized, and accepted, that there would be no way the two of us will be able to run the Chicago Marathon. He is totally capabale of a sub-5 race and I would only hold him back. It would be unfair of me to ask or expect him to slow down so he can be with me.
I know if we run this race, it'll be because my ass gets in gear and gets faster. And so I ran.
I just got in a zone...a place where I didn't think of the shooting pain whenever my left foot struck the group or my shoulders getting tense...I just listened to my breath and my feet hitting the earth and ran on. And surprisingly, it felt really good.
The course I was running required me to nagivate my way around the finish line chute of the Pride Run. At the northern turn around point there were guys sporting cheerleading outfits, cheering for the runners to finish strong. I closed my eyes imagined they were routing for me.
The remaining mile was spent in a run/walk combo. No timed intervals or anything. I pushed myself to run, even when I wanted to walk. And only when the pain became too obnoxious, I walked.
I returned to the meet up point to find Mike waiting for me. Apparently Coach Jack told him I'd be a while and he took off walking in the opposite direction to find me. I half smiled...only because I did the distance...not for my performance.
The next time I run will most likely be July 2nd. Both coaches, Jack and Joe, told me to take it easy this week. No running. Rather, I've been prescribed timed exercises on the stationary bike to keep my muslces working and moving without putting the stress on it. I'll hopefully have a walk or two thrown in there as well. Pending how much my leg is bothering me. Strength training is in the forecast as well. ...but for now I'm just listening to my body.
I'm taking their advice, and my own. I said I wanted to train SMARTER. Running a lot right now would be sheer stupidity.
So cheers...to doing the full distance, and to all the cross-training ahead of me this week.
Imagine this...crisp, cool weather. Clear skies. Great crowd. Everything was aligned for a great 8-mile run. My leg had been feeling better the days following the speed training, so I was optimistic about the distance ahead of me.
We started out running south instead of north. The breeze felt great. The new shorts were beyond comfy...and overall I felt good (aside from the old pair of Wigwam socks that kept sliding down my heel). So we're running at 5/2 pacing around a 12:00 pace. The first mile though, Lesley went out way fast...and by mile 2, my leg was shot...again. F#$*(&%$#. I pulled back from the group and walked a bit. I heard Margie yell to see if I was okay, I gave her a thumbs up and figured I'd just walk it off. The next mile was spent doing the hobble, run, walk, stretch routine...and then I saw Coach Jack.
...and I lost it.
I didn't cry because it hurt (even though it was killing me). I cried because I was frustrated and disappointed and outright pissed off. Coach Jack helped me stretch it out some more, told me to walk it back to home base and take it easy.
As I walked, fighting back the tears, I kept thinking about everything I wrote the day before. About wanting the 5:30. About pushing myself this time around...and pushing myself hard. Harder than before. About going to the limits (without injury, of course). All of these thoughts came flooding in and I got myself really angry. Angry at my leg...myself...life...and I took that anger and ran right through it.
I think the brim of my hat is the most unappreciated part of all my running garb. The brim was my saving grace yesterday. I tugged the brim of my hat, bit my lip, put down my head, and just pressed forward running. No one could see the tears streaming from my eyes and I kept giving myself a pep talking say...get over it, it's just pain and it won't kill you and you can do this.
Around a mile away from the meet up point I saw the front runners of the Pride Run. They were amazing. Swift like gazelles...I admired their long strides and grit as they just pushed themselves. This fueled my next mile. And before I knew it, I was back at the meet up point.
...I had covered six miles. And tempting as it was, I didn't stop. I walked right by the group (not to tick Coach Jack off), and once I was out of sight I picked up the pace again. I saw Mike...he was finishing right as I was headed out for my final 2 miles. That was the moment where I realized, and accepted, that there would be no way the two of us will be able to run the Chicago Marathon. He is totally capabale of a sub-5 race and I would only hold him back. It would be unfair of me to ask or expect him to slow down so he can be with me.
I know if we run this race, it'll be because my ass gets in gear and gets faster. And so I ran.
I just got in a zone...a place where I didn't think of the shooting pain whenever my left foot struck the group or my shoulders getting tense...I just listened to my breath and my feet hitting the earth and ran on. And surprisingly, it felt really good.
The course I was running required me to nagivate my way around the finish line chute of the Pride Run. At the northern turn around point there were guys sporting cheerleading outfits, cheering for the runners to finish strong. I closed my eyes imagined they were routing for me.
The remaining mile was spent in a run/walk combo. No timed intervals or anything. I pushed myself to run, even when I wanted to walk. And only when the pain became too obnoxious, I walked.
I returned to the meet up point to find Mike waiting for me. Apparently Coach Jack told him I'd be a while and he took off walking in the opposite direction to find me. I half smiled...only because I did the distance...not for my performance.
The next time I run will most likely be July 2nd. Both coaches, Jack and Joe, told me to take it easy this week. No running. Rather, I've been prescribed timed exercises on the stationary bike to keep my muslces working and moving without putting the stress on it. I'll hopefully have a walk or two thrown in there as well. Pending how much my leg is bothering me. Strength training is in the forecast as well. ...but for now I'm just listening to my body.
I'm taking their advice, and my own. I said I wanted to train SMARTER. Running a lot right now would be sheer stupidity.
So cheers...to doing the full distance, and to all the cross-training ahead of me this week.
posted by Iron Jayhawk at 9:33 PM
19 Camper Comments:
Hey kudos to you for gutting it out! Now get in that cross training get healthy and get ready to kick some butt at the Chicago Marathon! I seriously can't wait to meet you! We are going to have an absolute blast!
Hey, girl! Hang in there. Cross-training really does do wonders. Have you thought about getting that injury checked out? Besides the bike, I would try using the eliptical machine. It did wonders for me and improved my 5K time BIG TIME. Don't forget about the icing that injury along with some heat as well. I also strongly recommend the strength training as well. It really does wonders too to your leg muscles overall.
Keep up the hard work. Be gentle on yourself.
i agree with firefly. SPORS DOC!! when my foot hurt with every step i couldn't run. it was just halting all healing processes. i had to rest, heal, and then restart running. it was some sort of inflammation. for me, i'm pretty sure it happened b/c i started too agressively (didn't train high enough mileage in the off-season and then started marathon training at too high of weekend mileage.) it just got worse and worse until i couldn't ignore it in august/september. after seeing a doc i took 3 weeks off, healed, and was still able to finish the 'thon. anywhoo...i obviously have no idea what is wrong with your foot but you should totally treat it so you can back to running-painfree-asap.
nice perserverence girl! that's what it's all about :-)
i know how frustrating it can be to have an injury hold you back, but you really pushed through the pain today and showed yourself how hard you can work and how dedicated you really are!!!
just remember that feeling of having covered the distance the next time you feel like quitting, and you'll be all set come marathon time!
and i'm with everyone else... ice. ibuprofen. sports doc (or sports massage therapy. they might find something in your back/feet/hips that is causing you to run in a way that causes pain?! just a thought)
take care of yourself!!
I'm all about you finishing this mileage in pain. Ok, I'm not all aboutyou being in pain, but you get the gist. I kind of wish I was doing Chicago b/c you and I are so similar in pacing! I agree with the advice to rest, ice, cross train and see a doctor. (if possible)
Aww Barb!! Don't get down...you still will make your goal. Don't beat yourself up because you're hurting. Take this week to mentally refocus and physically recoup! You'll be back on track in no time! Definately awesome job pushing through that pain...you're a true marathoner! :)
OMG THEY'RE SELLING THE CROSSING AND TEARING IT DOWN. i just sent you the petition to hopefully stop them (manhattan bastards. go figure) SEND TO ALL YOUR KU PEEPS!
WE CAN'T LET THEM DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!
grumble grumble...
I feel for you! I was all set to give Chicago my all, but a knee injury has set me back. So, I'm thankful to be running it at all. I'm frustrated with the too easy beginner schedule I am following, and feel so lazy to not be training harder. But, I want running to be a lifetime thing for me, and just keep telling myself that now is the time to rest and there will be other races to train harder for.
Pain is your body's way of telling you something is off, and you seem to have been having it for a while now. So, I agree with the other advise to have it checked out and make sure it isn't something serious. If it's not, then grit your teeth and run through it just like you did! Good job on keeping it up when you wanted to quit!
great job on pushing through! you've got bigger cajones than me! :)
Hang in there! I know it's frustrating, but you're doing an awesome job gutting it out and listening to your coaches. Definitely stick with the C/T for a while and heal up! I have faith you'll be able to make your sub 5:30. Oct. 22 is a long ways away.
you will figure it out - don't get discouraged. By the way it was great to meet you and Mike - anytime you want to get together again let me know.
Great job at getting through it! I know how hard it can be to keep going when you feel like crap on a stick.
As far as your foot goes...get it looked at now, get it taken care of, so you can get on with it. As bad as you feel now, you'll feel even worse if this injury turns into a major player and keeps you from getting where you want to go in October. (This is the voice of experience here...trust me I know)
On the bright side, this is a good time to have an injury. You're still early enough in your training that you can take a few weeks easy to let things calm down and heal and really not lose any significant ground. If this had happened twelve weeks from now, it'd be a lot harder to meet your goals in Chicago.
Ouch. I sure hope this clears up soon for you.
ahhh, the beginning of your blog reminded me of my san diego marathon. there's no shame in having a good cry. way to go on pushing through. that 5:30 will be yours!!!
Didn't I comment on this one? I swear I read it like 3 times.
Keep smiling! You are doing great!
My heart goes out to you! I'm nursing an injury myself... and getting off of my training plan... pushing back my hopes of a marathon this fall... not fun. But, it is best to take care of oneself and there is always tomorrow, as they say. :) Hang in there and with patience, the 5:30 will be yours!
You are one tough runner, RJ!
It's people like you who inspire me to keep going.
Sorry to hear your run didn't go so well.Maybe you should visit a PT and see what's wrong with your leg?
Rest up!
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