12.16.2005 - Afraid. Very afraid.

So tomorrow morning is the dreaded 20 miler. Considering I missed my 18 mile run I am absolutely, positively dreading tomorrow. I'll admit it. I am scared. I'm nervous and I am soooo very afraid. In my case...what happens after 16? I only know how my body handles up to 16 miles...and in the case of my 16-miler, it didn't go over very well. It's been nearly a month since I did anything of a substantial distance (anything over 6 miles...UGH). Am I out of my mind. I think I have every right to fear what tomorrow has in store. I just hope there isn't snow or wind...that'll make it 100x worse.

I'm dreading it so much that I couldn't sleep last night. I tossed and turned for hours upon end. It wasn't pretty. Around 2:30 I woke up in a cold sweat freaking out that I was going to have enough rest to run my 20-miler...thinking it was only a few hours away when I woke up. Today I am seriously dragging ass. I am so tired!!!

I *know* it'll be okay. I know it will. I'll get out there...get in my groove...turn on some tunes and just DO IT. Why? Because that's what I'm out to do. I've got it stuck in my head that come hell or high water I will cross the finish line in Phoenix. I just need to convince myself that I will go the full 20 tomorrow. Coach Jamie keeps telling me to just listen to my body and not overdo it right now...the furthest she went before her marathon was 16 miles (she had a broken foot). But she still did it.

I've been doing a lot of walking this week to avoid aggravating my back/hip. I'm hoping that I'll be able to do a bit of running tomorrow. But I don't anticipate doing a lot unfortunately. So yah...basically, I am walking a full 20 miles tomorrow. I'm getting there an hour early to get the first 4 miles done before the coaches show up. Then I'll do the remaining 16 after our team pow wow.

I'm just so tired as it is right now, and we've got company coming into town this evening so I know I'm going to have to go out rather than stay in and rest up like I should. Argh. This is so aggravating!!!! I really just want to put on sweats and curl up under the blanket and catch up on my Z's.

Tuesday night is our prerace meeting at Fleet Feet. I believe we get our racing singlets then...along with all sorts of well-needed information about the race and of course...the advice.
I know I've put in the effort. The hard part (with the exception of tomorrow morning!) is basically done. I just need to get out there and grab my reward...which in this case, is the marathon itself.

Once I get that medal, it's never coming off.